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MercyHearts

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Reading back on an old journal entry, where its like, 'Bored in science, should watch Nemo.'
and now I'm in science, and I'm watching Nemo, cos the teacher said we could.

ha
ha
ironic.
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Do you ever get the feeling that time is going too fast?
I get it all the time, and it hurts.
And I'm scared.
That time is going past too fast, that I'm not living the moment properly, slowing down, take a breather, cherish the fact that I'll never see this minute again.
The fact, that I may never be able to experience another moment like that again.
That I might not be able to go back and remember.
That some day, I'll end up forgetting.
Because, one of my greatest fears is forgetting.
Must be why God gave me a photographic memory.
But, I'm honestly scared, I dont want to grow up.
I dont want to live my own life.
I enjoy what I have now, the sense of security, the ring of friends, the moment of short freedom.
And even if I'm broken, the bandages around my heart and soul, feel strengthened every time I see my friends.
Every time I'm made to smile, to laugh, to be surprised, to know I'm loved.
Letting me know, that I'm not on the edge of darkness anymore.
The abyss is no longer as close to me as it used to be.
That the paintings on my arms are made of ink.
That I have somebody, something, to live for.
I have a split personality.
An innocent, naive, immature, child-like side.
And a side, where maturity breeds freely, always on guard, always pushing me forwards, backwards, away from the dark.
Away from the things I know are bad for me.
My addictions, my thoughts, they are like acid.
Ripping through my confidence, tearing down my self-esteem, bit by bit, it crumbles.
But my friends, when they are around, they make me want to smile.
They make me want to smile for them, because they seem so untainted, so intact, so in need of a happy attitude.
And before he died, I made a stubborn, stupid statement. That I wont ever let anybody see me cry like that again.
And hell, did I stick to that.
For what its worth, I'm ready.
Though I may not want to, I'm ready to grow up.
To see what's ahead of me, to ignore my mother, and pursue my dreams, in the belief that I WILL get there, that I WILL succeed.
And my determination shall not fade.
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My hands are shaking as I cry in frustration.
The salty water hitting my hands, an unwelcome sensation.
My thoughts are jumbled, indignant and missing.
My dreams, my yearnings, I can only go on wishing.

I am bound by my age, my small frame, my delicate mind.
I am lost, held back, from the place I need to find.
And nothing I say or do, is going to lessen my fears.
I can only sit here, and let the weather dry my tears.

I find peace in a piano, through song and voice.
My best friends arms, he says I have a choice.
The things I've been through, the times I've cried,
Made me the person I am today, no joke, no lie.
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is currently being bored in Science.
..
maybe I should watch Nemo.
e___e
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IS CURRENTLY FREAKING OUT ABOUT HOW GOOD XXXHOLIC IS.
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